A Good Relationship Can Survive Friendship But Not Vise Versa

There are two standard rules that apply to all romance movies: If the characters start out hating each other, they will end up loving each other. If they start out loving each other, see the inverse of rule number one. In “When Harry Met Sally,” a wrench is thrown in the gears of this cinematic romance tradition: friendship.

When we first meet Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan), they are ambitious youngsters, sharing a drive to New York where they will make their dreams reality. They have just met, Harry is a laid-back, shaggy-haired, somewhat arrogant dude and Sally is a “high-maintenance” goody-two-shoe who doesn’t like to eat in between meals. We are immediately plunged into scenario one of the “romantic movie guidelines”.

After somehow surviving the five hour car trip, Harry and Sally part ways, presumably forever… until they bump into each other in one of those coincidences that only occurs in a Nora Ephron movie. They are less than overjoyed to see one another, but continue right where they left off, discussing how male-female friendships are a thing of fiction because impure motives tend to get in the way. Consequently, they spend the next several years together in an honest-to-goodness, non-sexual friendship.

Whether in friendship or in love, the chemistry between Crystal and Ryan is utterly endearing. Even though we know they will make it together in the end, the “I love you because…” speech still gives us a charge because we have been rooting for them all along. It is the perfect movie relationship with just enough fighting to keep them real and just enough witty one-liners to keep them entertaining.

“When Harry Met Sally” is not a serious movie, but it is a brilliant one, precisely because it doesn’t take its self too seriously. It knows when it is being clichéd and it does so with a dash of subtle tongue-in-cheek humor. It knows it is predictable, so it doesn’t get too far ahead of its self. It prefers to study the mechanics of male-female relationships, it understands how they work, and it concurrently embraces them and pokes fun at them.

Romance in the movie world (and in Nora Ephron’s opus, for that matter) is a strangely familiar, yet not quite identical parallel universe. Characters always say the things we kick ourselves for not thinking of, comedy is balanced with tenderness rather than sadness, and, in split-second moments of realization, characters will run across town just to say “I love you.” Billy Crystal is huggably deadpan, if ever anyone was, and Meg Ryan actually makes ugly ‘80s clothes look good. But it is an honest and a simple movie. It stays in its comfort zone and does not aim to shatter any glass cielings. “When Harry Met Sally” knows it’s a romantic comedy and doesn’t try to be anything more than that. Unlike lesser films of the genre, it doesn’t have to.